Rainbow Diaries: the Peace Retreat!
Sunday 13 October 2024: Week 3
A day or so later than planned…
I was away last week prioritising me. It was the most incredible offer, to join a select group of international military widows in a beautiful part of Northern Ireland for a Dignity Beyond Boarders Women’s World Peace retreat. Monday saw me flying out of Exeter Airport anxious about leaving my kids and our pets… but the five days away reminded me of the power of connection, the similarities of our human existence despite language and cultural differences and the combination of therapy and downtime reminded me of the importance of self-care as a proactive activity… rather than a crisis response to burn out!
So here goes for the slightly late reflection on last week, the beginnings of me trying to process all that I experienced and hoping that some of what I share assists you with understanding what life is like as a widow, solo parent and entrepreneur.
Here we go!!!
1. This Week's Internal Weather Report!
Spending most of the week on my first ever retreat, the internal rollercoaster of emotions continues…
Storm clouds: the insecurities of a lifetime of neurodivergent worries played a part in stuff that came up for me during the peace retreat… especially as I discovered at the end of the week that the emphasis is on internal peace… something that I’m sure we all struggle with at times. As a consequence, my biggest storm last week was the physical manifestations of all of these internal thoughts… headaches, feeling queasy, chest pain, dizzy spells… or maybe that’s all perimenopause!?
Rainbow: The brightest rainbow of the week has been the fact that the children were ok without me and hopefully it wasn’t too much of a chore for my lovely parents to look after them.
Sunshine: yet again it’s connection that shines warmth onto my world… this time the humbling experience of being amongst the most wonderful group of fellow international military widows… despite language and cultural differences… tears flowed, laughter rung out and friendships were made.
2. Business Reflections
Grief and Life Coaching updates: There was no work Monday to Friday this week, but the wonder of modern technology is such that social media still posted messages out into the world and the only “work” I’ve done has been keeping up on some Instagram stories and saying the usual “good morning” to my Instagramily!
Course creation update: No update this week… watch this space for a busy week next week!
Light-bulb moments: Something shifted whilst I was away… a realisation dawned that there can be beauty, growth and progress in imperfection… so instead of aiming at the impossible ideal of perfect, which is in fact unattainable, instead it’s all about connection and progress… not perfection!
3. Parenting Teens in Grief
Family highlight: Other than the reunion on Friday when I returned to England, the Team Gray highlight was without a doubt the outing last Sunday before I departed to take our big horse out for a bit of showjumping at a local arena… it’s the first time I’d driven the lorry in a while and both girls (and our equine love, Mr Jerry) did awesome… despite grey skies, it was a total sunshine moment!
Challenge of the week: No disregulation from me to upset the parenting role this week… instead the biggest challenge has been to be present and a listening ear for the girls as they find their feet with teenage emotions… without trying to fix! Instead just being there to validate and witness… I see my role as a champion of their unique awesome-ness as they find their own answers to life’s rollercoaster.
Lesson learned: Often our children don’t want solutions… they just want to be loved and heard exactly as they are.
4. Adventures with ADD
Classic ADD moment: I’ve mentioned before how I have to “plan to crash” because I have a weak social battery… the big neurodiversity moment this week was realising that even on a retreat I can get over stimulated and exhausted just by being around people! I’ve got all my fingers and toes crossed that the hyper focus on my business manages to carry me through the super busy weekend at the Clean & Tidy show next week!!
Coping strategy spotlight: Saying “no”! It’s not something that comes naturally to me. Historically I was a people pleaser whose default setting was to keep busy and put others first… this week on the first night of the retreat I identified that I was totally overwhelmed… so I was the last to arrive at the pub and the first to leave to go back to my room for much needed solitude and rest! It’s easy to forget that “no” can be a complete sentence… nothing more is needed!
ND silver lining: Being able to disassociate is a bit of a super power for me and it was helpful when I was pinged to be the UK voice at the American Consulate on the last night… to share what the UK widows came up with when asked to expand on what “Women's World Peace” means to us… although I would be lying if I didn’t admit that my emotions bubbled to the surface at the end when I spoke of how much it meant to me to get a hug from one of the French widows.
5. Widow's Corner
Memory Lane: Massive pony memories last weekend on our outing with Mr J… remembering all those amazing Pony Club outings we had with my late husband… I’ve always been a bit of a wimp around the horses, so he was the one who did all the pony leading, prep and organising. There’s not a day with the horses that I don’t wish he was with us enjoying the horsey life he so wanted for our girls.
Grief self care: I don’t think grief self care gets better than an international widow’s peace retreat in the beautiful Northern Ireland, especially when I manage an early morning dip in the ocean and I get to see the Northern Lights… though I was the only one who braved the sea and the Americans and French thought I was mad!
Bittersweet rainbows: The retreat… it was amazing. I arrived numb and scared yet hopeful and excited and I left feeling calm, supported and peaceful… but, I only qualified to be there because my gorgeous husband died… the rainbows can be heartbreakingly bittersweet.
6. Horse Tales
Update from the stables: The poor horses had a wet week in the field but I wanted them out because I didn’t want the filly moved without me around. With some amazingly kind morning feed help, waterproof rugs and my dad driving my elder daughter each evening (and doing a huge amount of poo picking one evening whilst she went for a hack)… they all did amazingly without me… maybe I should go away more often!?
Horse Rainbows: Definitely the show jumping outing last weekend… no more needs to be said… it was so much fun, I just wish the girls dad was here to witness how brilliantly they both ride and how well we’re coping with the growing herd!
7. Sadmin Check-in
Weekly paperwork win: Being away is tough and the pile of unopened post welcoming us all home is always a bit daunting… but despite only getting home on Friday evening, I’ve paid a few bills (farrier etc) and opened all the post… small but important steps forwards!
Current Sadmin challenge: Prioritising some important phone calls… I need to re-book a smear that had a dodgy result and sort out an orthodontist appointment for the kids… but the fear of being on hold forever is real… I will prioritise it this week!
Tip of the week: Small steps are still steps forwards… don’t worry about not doing it all… just doing a bit is progress.
8. Looking Ahead
Next week's goal: Having had the most wonderful week away… it’s back to work with a bump next week as I need to pack up and get ready for the Clean & Tidy show at Excel and sort out the slides and recordings for the new and improved Sadmin course.
Self-care plan: I know it’s going to be a crazy busy week… so I’m going to focus on what usually gets overlooked when I’m busy… making the basics a priority… sleep, healthy food, exercise and drinking lots of water.
As ever, thank you for taking time to read my ramblings… if anything has resonated please send me an email or message me on social media and let me know.
Finally, please remember… however you are feeling… you are not alone… there are amazing charities out there who can support and if you want to make an investment in yourself I’m here for coaching. Please listen to your gut and reach for the support you feel you need.
Until next week (presuming I can remember to keep this up!), keep hunting for those rainbows!
Take care of your gorgeous selves!
Emma x
PS Don’t forget to check out the 1:1 coaching packages, as well as being the most popular, the six session package is where great work is done… more details are here.