Rainbow Diaries: A Mindset Shift!
Friday 4 October 2024: Week 2
First things first…
A little celebration… I tamed my dippy brain by making strict plans and I’m back for week two without being late, as the kids might say… “Go me”!
Anyhow, these diaries serve two purposes… one is a selfish one, by reflecting on my week I get to process it a bit more. As I said last week, writing has been some of the best therapy I’ve had in my eight years of widowhood, and I love the comments and love I get from others (so please keep them coming!). The second purpose is for you and all the other readers… I hope that by sharing my weekly reflections I get to normalise things for you and help with understanding of what life is like as a widow, solo parent and entrepreneur.
As you might have gathered last week, I’m a HUGE oversharer, but there’s also some personal stuff that remains private.
So, here we go!!!
1. This Week's Internal Weather Report!
If you read last week’s blog you’ll know that it was an emotional rollercoaster… trying to process the highs and lows of feelings that bubbled to the surface after the WAY (Widowed and Young) AGM and the fall out of a huge dose of (sadly familiar) ADD social anxiety.
You’ll see from the storm clouds that this week the mindset has been dark and tricky…
Storm clouds: the echo of sadness turned into imposter syndrome of epic proportions. I often say to grief clients that the run up to an event can sometimes be worse than the day itself and I’ve been experiencing that this week… I’m away all week next week. It’s the most amazing opportunity, an exclusive international military widow’s retreat in Northern Ireland but it involves getting on a plane without my girls (which always raises the anxiety) and four nights away from home (the longest I’ve been away from our daughter’s since my late husband died over eight years ago). In addition, the prep for the Clean and Tidy show has been hectic and has involved a lot of planning. So that’s where I’ve realised (with the help of my amazing business coach) that mindset is my full time job and for the next couple of weeks the business is my side hussle!
Rainbows: I found the most gorgeous dress to wear for the Clean & Tidy show which hopefully will help give me confidence on the day - when I worry about the cost, I keep thinking… it’s an investment in me!
Sunshine: the warmth of connection continues to be a key component to the weekly rays of sunshine… this week I’m grateful for a day in Exeter with my elder daughter (and we managed to resist my ADHD impulses and only buy what was on the list!), chatty suppers with my girls in the evenings and coffee catch ups with a couple of great friends.
2. Business Reflections
Grief and Life Coaching updates: as I mentioned last week, I aim to be the person that I wish I could have had to support me when I needed it most. This week’s coaching has reinforced that - I provide a confidential space to be truly heard and to find your own answers about how to move forwards. I’m always fascinated, not just by the presenting emotions but by diving deeper to see what’s behind them.
Course creation update: Having done the social media plan last week for the re-launch of the next Will Challenge and the new and improved Sadmin course, this week has seen the purchase of exciting new banners, a branded waistcoat and loads of hard work finalising a really exciting online space to store all the Sadmin information which will be thrown in as a bonus for the next intake of Sadmin sign-ups. I’ve also done the monthly business metrics review for September and my monthly bookkeeping!
Light-bulb moments: The “aha moment” of this week has definitely been the importance of the mindset… I always say to my kids that what you put out into the world is what you get back… but, when I hit a business low it can be hard to stop myself spiralling and worrying that it will impact on others… but thankfully something shifted overnight and today I feel like I’ve “got it”… the most important thing is to believe in ourselves… things might be scary but it is important to follow our passions… if you don’t already follow me on socials then go check out the posts there (especially Insta which is my daily happy place!) the links for my profiles are here: Instagram, Facebook or LinkedIn.
3. Parenting Teens in Grief
Family highlight: It’s a really low key one this week… but the thing I’m most proud of is being able to connect with my teenagers… so many people tell me that the teens are impossibly hard but I’m really enjoying them. Don’t get me wrong, it has its moments… especially when I’m dis-regulated and my emotions then permeate through us all… but I’ve got a wonderful psychologist friend who always says that “the magic is in the repair” and so I think this week the highlight has been in magical repairs. I feel eternally grateful for my girls and my love for them is unlimited.
Challenge of the week: Linked with the highlight above… the challenge this week has been solo-parenting when I’ve been dis-regulated. It’s SO hard to keep calm and present with children when our heads are full of grief, work and money worries. Like everyone else, I’m an imperfect human and often I don’t get it right… and hence the magic being in the repair!!
Lesson learned: I’ll repeat it again… we’re going to mess up and do s*** stuff, but “the magic is in the repair”!
4. Adventures with ADD
Classic ADD moment: Last week I forgot to set a reminder and missed a live for a course that I’m LOVING, this week I’ve been buying tons of stuff that’s been in the pipeline for a while for the Clean & Tidy show, but I realised that my poor executive functioning and avoidance of certain jobs leads to a “ADHD tax”… the extra that you pay for fast delivery because you are leaving purchases to the last minute! Note to self - do it earlier!
Coping strategy spotlight: I told you about the thumb ring last week that’s my adult “stimming toy”… my top tip this week is to set reminders… as I type this I have the comfort of knowing I can’t hyper focus longer that I should because a timer will burst my bubble and tell me to start getting ready for the next meeting (which means reminding me to go to the loo and make a cuppa - the little things I usually ignore to my detriment)!
ND silver lining: The silver lining that I’m sure will crop up here almost weekly is the hyper-focus… although my ND brain likes to avoid some important but dull things… when I get into something (especially if it relates to my “special interest” which is my business) I am so focused that I block out absolutely everything and time flies… so hence all the productivity re the Sadmin course creation, bookkeeping, social media scheduling etc - thank you to the ADD brain!
5. Widow's Corner
Memory Lane: After the farrier left yesterday, I was recounting to my elder daughter the only way I could influence her father… he was SO stubborn at times! I’m not sure if it resonates with others, but I think it goes to the heart of the concept of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus… I used to have a conversation with him about something, plant a seed, let him retreat into his metaphorical man-cave and then, as if by magic, he would emerge (sometimes months later) to tell me that he’d had an amazing idea… which was exactly what I’d suggested to him… it always made me smile and I used to give myself what my mum calls an imaginary hug!
Grief self care: As I explained last week, after a hugely social time (especially one which links into widowhood and grief) I have to “plan to crash” - it’s taken me by surprise that the crash has been almost two weeks but, instead of the old me who would have bulldozed through and burnt out, I’ve learnt to lean into my feelings… so this week I’ve been on a mission to get to bed earlier and to prioritise healthy meals (I’m so grateful that a couple were cooked by the kids), a bit of time out, time for journaling and listening to Calm meditations and Reiki music.
Bittersweet rainbows: The ring my mother gave me for my 30th sits alongside a ring I bought myself for my 40th as a present from my late husband as per his instructions before he died… but the ancient 30th ring needed repair and hence the Exeter visit last weekend… going back to Cathedral Green is so bittersweet that it can make my heart hurt… it was the last outing we had alone together… Simon hooked up to a drip of medication, skeletally thin, his arm around me for support as well as love, as we went to our favourite jewellers to collect the items he had made as part of his legacy… going back there, being offered bubbles… was amazing but also heartbreaking, especially as they remembered him so clearly… even now, so many years later.
6. Horse Tales
Update from the stables: the horses are still living out as much as possible (partly because I’ve not had the energy to muck out… that’s tonight’s job now that I’ve re-found my mojo!)! The filly has definitely been back in season - geez she’s a marey mare! Plus the farrier came for his six-weekly visit to re-fit the shoes on big Mr J. I love our banter whilst he works and am always grateful for his advice.
Horse Rainbows: Another constant theme in our world… the horses are great at forcing us out into the fresh air. As much as I sometimes don’t want to leave the comfort of our home and drive the tricky lanes to the yard… I always love the time outside in the fresh air and we’re always nicer people for it!
7. Sadmin Check-in
Weekly paperwork win: eek, I have to confess that the hyper focus on the business has rather taken me away from what I had on the home admin to-do list this week… but I did manage to sort something out for my father that got me stressed in the process but I’m delighted it’s all done - it will definitely make life easier in the long run.
Current Sadmin challenge: That huge backlog of home paperwork is still there… the problem of having your own business is the temptation to work in the evenings… I know I must turn my attention to my own life admin, especially as I still have a few unopened bits of post to deal with (geez that brings up the shame)!!
Tip of the week: As I mentioned last week, I’m all for easy steps… but the tip this week is that so often it’s darkest before the dawn… what I mean by that is that it’s just at the moment that you want to quit doing something that you’re actually nearly there… so sometimes pushing through that barrier and taking action to move it forwards is exactly what you need to do.
8. Looking Ahead
Next week's goal: I’m away for the week… so the re-writing of the Sadmin slides may end up being done on a weekend, or it will fall to the week after I return. The main goal for next week is to continue the mindset work… especially in TRUST… anyone who is bereaved is likely to understand when I say that the fall out from a death is that you can loose trust in good stuff happening to good people… but it does… and it’s important never to loose faith in hope and rainbows.
Self-care plan: Don’t laugh… another ADD moment… the dentist wasn’t this week it’s in a few weeks time… but next week will be full of self-care… what an “international military widow retreat” is all about I’ve no idea… but I’ll tell you more next week!
Thank you for taking time to read my ramblings… if anything has resonated please send me an email or message me on social media and let me know.
Finally, please remember… however you are feeling… you are not alone… there are amazing charities out there who can support and if you want to make an investment in yourself I’m here for coaching. Please listen to your gut and reach for the support you feel you need.
Until next week (presuming I can remember to keep this up!), keep hunting for those rainbows!
Take care of your gorgeous selves!
Emma x
PS Don’t forget to check out the 1:1 coaching packages, as well as being the most popular, the six session package is where great work is done… more details are here.