Rainbow Diaries: Getting Started!
Friday 27 September 2024: Week 1
Eek…
Here goes with something that I’ve been yearning to do for a few months….
I passionately believe that storytelling is a vital part of the grief journey. Each time we share what we’ve been through we process it a bit more. Writing has been some of the best therapy I’ve had in my eight years of widowhood, and I love the comments and love I get from others. It seems that reading my words helps to normalise things for other bereaved people. If things I write help just one person then I feel it’s been worth it. I also love to share my vulnerability and encourage tricky conversations.
Those who have followed me for a while will know what a HUGE oversharer I am.
So, here we go!!!
1. This Week's Internal Weather Report!
Wow… well, when it comes to feelings on the inside, this week certainly started with an emotional BANG!
Not only did I spend last weekend with over 70 fellow widows at the WAY (Widowed and Young) AGM, which always stirs up my grief, but this year it was held at Crewe Hall and the huge Jacobean mansion in Cheshire gave me flashbacks to school days before I had even arrived! This meant my anxiety tempo was triggered into fight or flight before the day’s activities had even started! My ADD social anxiety is something that is forever present… I might seem like a bubbly extrovert… but really I’m the most extrovert introvert you’ll come across! I love nothing more than to hide away with my pets and kids in the countryside, but deep down I know that I love the buzz from a room full of people! On top of the usual stresses, hanging out with fellow widows always brings the loss of my gorgeous husband, and our kids devoted daddy, to the front of my mind.
What I didn’t realise till I turned up to the weekend is that I would have additional butterflies bouncing around my stomach from getting dressed up in pretty clothes and flirting…. not helped by the theme of the evening’s banter… widow’s fire! If you don’t know what it is then look it up!
Storm clouds: the rollercoaster of emotions from the WAY gathering left an echo of sadness as I returned home to day-to-day life and the reality of solo parenting, added to which was a scary flashback on Saturday evening after the most incredible immersive experience from my first sound bath. A second storm of the week was an unexpected hospital trip after attempting my first run since one of our horses trod on me… tears fell as a lovely nurse reassured me that my foot is not broken and I didn’t have a DVT!
Rainbows: although it featured in the storms, the soundbath was an unexpected delight. It has shifted something in a positive way that goes way back to my childhood. It way sound woo, but I honestly feel better in myself than I have in a long time… illustrating the benefit of unexpected consequences!
Sunshine: the warmth of connection is often a key component to the weekly rays of sunshine… this week I’m grateful for a lovely catch-up cuppa with one of the school mums, going to a parents supper with a great friend… and being bold enough to admit to her how much I still hate turning up on my own and how thankful I was that she drove… and a lovely phone call with my amazing sister.
2. Business Reflections
Grief and Life Coaching updates: the 1:1 sessions I have had over the past couple of weeks have reminded me of “the why” behind my Rainbow Hunting business… it is my mission to be the person I wish I had to support me when I needed it most. I always feel so honoured that people feel safe and supported enough to share their innermost thoughts with me and it is my privilege to walk with them for a moment as they process what comes up.
Course creation update: I have finished the social media plan for next few months which will be a busy time as I’m both exhibiting and speaking at the Clean and Tidy show at Excel on 19th and 20th October and I’m running another of the hugely popular free Will Challenges at the beginning of November. And, I have re-written the Sadmin course webinar for end of the Will Challenge, it’s exciting to see things coming together! I am SO grateful for my team, in particular my amazing VA whose attention to detail and practical thinking is thankfully so much better than my own!
Light-bulb moments: The “aha moment” that’s hit this week has been witnessing the magical power of having someone who truly listens and who genuinely cares about you - both in the sessions with my clients and in my own world! It can feel uncomfortable sharing our vulnerability, but when we do so in a safe space there can be amazing responses… I had been quiet on socials and my first social media post (which you can see on Instagram, Facebook or LinkedIn) got some wonderful comments - thank you.
3. Parenting Teens in Grief
Family highlight: Having four teens getting ready for their first sixth form social and hearing the stories (most likely censored!) at the end of the evening!
Challenge of the week: It’s been an unusually calm week, the only thing getting me down is the children’s inability to tidy up after themselves (especially in the kitchen after cooking!).
Lesson learned: as parents it’s natural that we want to fix their problems but our kids often want to find their own answers… it’s important not to forget that a huge part of our role is just to listen and validate their experiences.
4. Adventures with ADD
Classic ADD moment: I’m doing the most amazing Nervous System Reset course but I totally missed the live at lunchtime today because I got into a ND hyper focus tweaking my Sadmin slides and I had forgotten to set an alarm to bring me back out into the real world to log in for it. Gutted… I now have to remember to watch the replay!
Coping strategy spotlight: I used to be a chronic nail-bitter when I was a child. Somehow I gave up in my teens but I really struggle when I don’t have anything to do with my hands… I’ve discovered that my thumb rings are my secret stimming fiddle toys - if you watch me I’m constantly playing with them!
ND silver lining: my business being my special interest means I put all my energy into it and totally feel it’s my soul’s purpose to use my experiences to help others!
5. Widow's Corner
Memory Lane: seeing my younger daughter in her CCF kit looking super smart for the first proper inspection was something special… it reminded me so much of Si as the style of uniform she wears is exactly the same as he wore in Afghanistan. Ironing it on Thursday evening (last minute!) took me back to how much better he was at ironing than me.
Grief self care: the excitement and sociable WAY weekend did what all big events do to me and gave me a slump of what I call “post-party depression”… thankfully these days I know I need to “plan to crash” so I had a gentle day of work on Monday morning followed by a facial in the afternoon. It’s vital that we look after ourselves, after all, we can’t look after others if we are burnt out.
Bittersweet rainbows: eight years in and the gem hidden within the grief storm is that I’ve not only been processing the loss of my husband, but I’ve also been healing from other things that have haunted me since childhood. The result is that I know myself better now than I have ever done before - but it’s still a work in progress!
6. Horse Tales
Update from the stables: the wetter weather means the rugs are on and the fields are getting churned up, but we’re keeping the horses out as long as possible (partly because I’m the only one who mucks out the stables and I have been low on energy)! I’m thinking the filly might be coming back into season any day, so we’re not in a hurry to bring her in with two geldings again (that’s how I got trodden on last time!).
Horse Rainbows: I will never tire of the fresh air and energy that I get when we go to the field to do the horses, if the sun is rising or setting and the sky has turned into a rainbow of colour then that’s an added bonus!
7. Sadmin Check-in
Weekly paperwork win: thanks to a text reminder from the vets, I booked the horses’ routine vaccinations and ordered worm kits for October.
Current Sadmin challenge: whilst I took a pause from social media, I also buried my head in the sand a bit at home… so I have a huge backlog of home paperwork and even a few unopened bits of post to deal with!!
Tip of the week: If you feel you have an overwhelming mountain of home admin to do, brainstorm everything into a list and give yourself no more than one task to deal with per day (today mine was call the vet!). Slowly you will find that you make great progress, but in easy steps.
8. Looking Ahead
Next week's goal: re-writing the Sadmin slides for the new and improved course which is going to be launched at the end of the Will Challenge.
Self-care plan: self care isn’t just bubble baths and candles… it’s includes all the stuff that you need to help you feel good about yourself. For example, I’ve got a dentist appointment on Monday!
Please remember, however you are feeling… you are not alone… there are amazing charities out there who can support and I’m here for coaching. Please reach for support if you feel you need it.
Until next week (presuming I can remember to keep this up!), keep hunting for those rainbows!
Take care of your gorgeous selves!
Emma x
PS Don’t forget to check out the 1:1 coaching packages, the six session package seems to be the most popular… details are here for those who are interested in me supporting you through your storms.