Planning Your Own Funeral
This article is to encourage you to give your funeral service some thought and to start some conversations with your loved ones.
The average age for planning our own funeral is 51 years old. This is not an elderly age but it is significantly older than my late husband was when he died of cancer at only 38 years old. As a consequence of what happened to me after he died, I believe that we are never too young to write down our wishes. Triggered by the death of my husband I have written down my funeral wishes and I have even specified the music and readings I would like at my service. Knowing the struggles that I had organising my late husband’s funeral I am keen to encourage others to not just think about their own funeral but to sit down, write about it and tell people where to find those instructions.
Most funeral planning articles tend to be written to help bereaved loved ones plan services for those who have already died. However, there is so much we can do whilst we are alive to make that process easier for loved ones after our inevitable demise. My husband wanted a military burial and I thought that he had told me everything that I needed to know. At yet, after he died, I was left with so many questions. As a result, I found the process of planning his funeral service stressful and emotional because I wanted it to be right for both him and for his family.
10 important funeral aspects to consider
Now is the time to get planning and I hope this funeral checklist will give you food for thought:
1. Burial or cremation – This is one of the first questions that is asked by the funeral director once a person has died, so it is important that people know what you want. It is useful for you to state whether you want to be buried or cremated in your Will as a wish, so that it is easy for your loved ones to find.
2. Choice of coffin – It seems obvious to me now, but I had no idea of the huge range of coffins available nor how much the prices varied. Coffins are usually made of solid wood, chipboard, metal, cardboard or other biodegradable materials and they can be personalised. It can be a surprisingly overwhelming decision for a loved one to be faced with at a time when they are vulnerable and possibly not thinking rationally.
3. Type of service – There are many types of funeral services to choose from, from traditional Christian church ceremonies to other faith services, woodland celebrations, sea burials or funerals without services. The type of service you choose may dictate what people wear and some people feel it is important for mourners to wear black, whereas others prefer them to wear colourful clothes.
4. Music and readings – Hymns and more contemporary songs, as well as prayers (if the service is religious) and readings, are a chance to make a service more personal. If there are tunes and/or words that are important to you it is helpful to put them down as well as explaining the significance of their meaning to you.
5. Eulogy – The eulogy is a speech by a family member or a close family friend about you after you have died. You may wish for different individual(s) relating to specific parts of your life to do a joint eulogy but it is important to consider the emotional burden of doing a eulogy. If possible, you may wish to ask the relevant individual(s) to ensure that they feel that they would be able to speak in public about you.
6. Locations – Where you want to be buried or your ashes scattered and the location for the service and/or wake can be of huge significance. If you wish to be cremated and there is more than one location, you can consider splitting your ashes. Wakes (sometimes called the reception) can be in all kinds of venues from people’s own homes, to village halls, pubs and hotels.
7. Transport – A coffin is usually transported in a hearse and extra cars or limousines can be requested for important members of the funeral party to ease the stress but the transport can be more personal, such as tractors, milk-floats or carriages, but it is important to consider the financial and practical implications of transport.
8. Flowers – Flowers are important to some people as a mark of respect but others do not feel that they are necessary and would prefer for donations to be made to charity. If you feel strongly about not having flowers, it is helpful to write down charity details and why the charity is important to you.
9. Finance – The average cost of a funeral in 2021 was just over £4,000, which does not include optional extras such as the memorial, flowers, transport or wake. Funeral costs are usually paid from the money in your estate and it is important to factor this cost into your inheritance planning when you are making a Will. Options for payment include pre-paid funeral plans (paying for the funeral in advance at today’s prices), life insurance (a lump sum paid out on death) or putting savings to one side. If funds are not accessible on your death, relatives may have to pay and ask to be reimbursed by executors, providing there is enough money in your estate.
10. Advice – There are numerous companies offering advice on funeral plans but it is important to ensure that you get expert advice. The Funeral Planning Authority is the regulatory body for funeral providers and members have to comply with a strict Code of Practice. Similarly, many financial advisers offer advice for funeral planning and it is important to ensure that you have an independent financial adviser who specialises in later life advice, such as a SOLLA adviser.
Emma’s thoughts…
Put it on today’s to-do list – instead of leaving funeral plans to be part of an emotional reaction to a bad experience, plan your funeral now and see it as a practical necessity to help your nearest and dearest once you have gone.
Consider your funeral as part of your inheritance planning – when considering who you want to inherit your estate, make sure you take expert advice on ensuring there are sufficient funds to pay for your funeral and ensure that your next of kin know how to access the money after your death.
Get expert advice – To read more about the Funeral Planning Authority and what a funeral plan covers read this article from the FPA: https://funeralplanningauthority.co.uk/news/what-does-a-funeral-plan-cover/ and click here to find a SOLLA adviser (https://societyoflaterlifeadvisers.co.uk/Find-an-adviser).
Write it down – it is important to communicate your wishes to your next of kin because when they are grieving, they may not remember your conversations. Place a copy of your funeral wishes with your Will as well as giving copies to your next of kin so that they can be easily found in an emergency.
DO IT NOW! No one knows what tomorrow brings, but I have learnt from experience that tricky conversations and writing down wishes can make a huge difference to grieving loved ones at a difficult time in their lives.
Planning ahead can ease the burden on your loved ones at a traumatic time.
You do not need to struggle alone… If you would like someone to help you to plan your own funeral book a One-on-One session with Emma now by using this link.