Coping as a widow – Why family comes first

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29 Sep

The hardest decisions take the most courage to action…

As gutted as I was to have to postpone the 2021 Challenge, it was absolutely the right decision for me and my daughters. I feel truly blessed that I was able to free up time to be a more present mother and to look after myself at a time that seems to be turbulent for so many people. I have had lots of wonderfully kind and understanding responses in which people share their own troubles with me. It has highlighted that many people are finding life ridiculously busy and stressful at the moment for a variety of reasons.

For me the cracks begin to show when I am tired and worried about those that I love the most. Starting senior school was a time that my late husband and I predicted would be tough and would therefore need extra stability at home, but I never imagined it would be as difficult for all our children as it has been this autumn. Doing the Master Class talks helped me to wake up to the fact that I too had become an exhausted solo-parent. I felt run down, emotionally drained and I was lacking my spark for life. When a family emergency hit I realised that I was in no place to be able to look after others.

From the feedback and wonderful personal messages I have had, I now know that I am not the only one juggling work, social lives and family. Many people seem to be focusing on the happiness and wellbeing of other people but at the same time are finding themselves struggling to provide basic human needs to their selves. As I said in my article on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, everyone should have a solid base of food, water, warmth, rest and safety. Once those are established, friends and relationships are also important because we are social beings.

I have heard that it is common for widows to distract themselves by throwing themselves into a super busy world. Nonetheless, as I said in my “Whose Life are You Living?” talks, we cannot forget to prioritise ourselves. I am sharing my story of this lesson in why I paused the Challenge as a reminder that nothing is more important than the welfare of you and your loved ones. You may have to make difficult decisions but I truly believe that you must listen to your heart and your gut and do what you feel is right for you.

Emma’s thoughts…

Trust your gut: Courageous and difficult decisions may be the right ones
Family first: Life is short, spend it being kind to those you love
Self-care is a human need: Sleep, food, water, warmth and companionship are not optional, they are necessary for a happy life.
You can’t pour from an empty cup: Especially when looking after others you must look after yourself first!
It is often easy to be busy: it can be much harder to hit pause and free up time.
Lead by example: Show others how you want to be looked after by looking after yourself properly first!