Languages of Loss: A psychotherapist’s journey through grief
by Sasha Bates
If you have ever wondered whether a therapist will deal with grief any differently from anyone else then this is the book for you.
The author of this memoir is Sasha Bates, a psychotherapist, journalist and former documentary filmmaker whose husband of 14 years, Bill, died unexpectedly at just 56 years old. Sasha turned to writing and this book explores her grief and loss in a dual-narrative style. Her in-the-moment personal depiction of her anguished grieving experience stands out in contrast to the calmer and more measured therapist’s exploration of how different psychotherapy approaches might be helpful to the bereaved. This book is the author’s attempt to understand what happened to her as she learned to manage her feelings, whilst exploring whether her studies and work as a psychotherapist could help her through the unimaginable and overwhelming pain of her grief.
The prose is written in an easy-to-read style which I would recommend for either widows wanting to understand the basics of the emotions of grief and family or friends of bereaved spouses and partners who want to help a grieving friend. Sasha tells her honest and deeply personal story in such a way that the reader gets a strong sense of the special loving relationship that she had with her husband and the ultimate meaning and purpose she finds which memorialises her husband’s memory.
What I wanted: I realised that in reading this I was hoping for a magic cure for my own grief, but what I learnt is that we need to learn to trust the grieving journey and to feel all the emotions that arise.
What I liked: Whilst trying to navigate the new and unwelcome world into which she had been thrust, she manages to occasionally step away from her experiences to explain some of the theories and concepts of the grieving process.
“Acknowledging powerlessness is the most terrifying state to be in,
and so we do almost anything we can to avoid contemplating the unpredictability and chaos of the universe.
To feel safe we need to believe there is some sort of order to the world…
any sort of structure or logical explanation, however convoluted,
is preferable to acknowledging chaos.”
- Sasha Bates
Twitter: @sashbates
Instagram: @sashbates