Celebrating Forces Families Awards Dinner
Behind every strong military person is a family who stands by them, supports them and loves them with all their heart – Emma writes below why this was a perfect night to celebrate those family members.
Leaving the countryside of the South West for London!
When my late husband died, he left a letter for me to open after his death. In that letter he wrote that he knew I would be okay bringing up our children because I had single-handedly brought them up so far. Being a military spouse is a tough role, but being a solo parent is hands down the hardest job I have ever done. It surprises me that as a widow I get understanding and recognition for being a solo-parent, yet as a military spouse it was barely recognised.
Until I read my husband’s last letter, through tears of unimaginable loss, I had been living our married life under the umbrella of uncertainty that is ‘normal’ in military life. To me the resilience, compassion and empathy of being a military family member is what the Celebrating Forces Families Awards celebrated. However, I am amazed that no one has so openly celebrated these military unsung heroes before. Military families support their serving person in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer and in life as well as after death, yet so rarely do they themselves stand in the spotlight.
As HRH The Duchess of Cornwall said in her comment in the front of the programme: “I know, as do all of you, just how much is asked of our Armed Forces, often in extremely difficult circumstances and under considerable pressure. We also know that they would be unable to undertake their vital tasks were it not for the unfaltering support of family members who have kept the home fires burning: each of them are unsung heroes who have inspiring stories of their own to share.”
During the Awards I was sat next to my sister, my perfect plus-one, at a table near the front of the room looking up at the hosts Queer as Folk star Antony Cotton (patron of Help for Heroes and official Ambassador for SSAFA) and Amy Casey (a reservist in the RAF and presenter at BFBSthe British Forces Broadcasting Service). Listening to the inspiring stories of the finalists, their contributions to the military community and their own personal achievements I felt that I was watching the birth of a baby… This first ever Celebrating Forces Families Awards was an event that is decades overdue. It was the first event of it’s kind and I know it will champion military families in years to come.
To have been a finalist for the Overcoming Adversity Award was truly humbling for two reasons:
It was an honour to be a Finalist for the Overcoming Adversity Award
Every member of the military community deserve recognition and celebration for the work that they do. This is especially true for families who support their serving person and for the cheerfulness in the face of adversity that is required within the unique and adverse environment that is military family life.
The other Overcoming Adversity Award finalists are both inspirational people: Isobel Keating is only 9 years old, yet she is a carer for her RAF veteran mum who is sight impaired and Nikki Scott is quite simply one of my living heroes. Nikki’s husband was killed in Afghanistan in July 2009 and after seeing the devastating impact of his death on their children she set up Scotty’s Little Soldiers. Scotty’s is a national charity that supports hundreds of bereaved forces children and has had a life changing impact on my girls.
Huge congratulations go to Nikki who was the natural winner of the category for a military family member who has experienced and achieved success despite living through an unfortunate event. It was a privilege to get to chat to Nikki and I hope she doesn’t think I was a drunken hand-grenade that had already exploded! Like many in the post-pandemic world, I have not been out much and I was certainly making up for it. I did not meet her until after the glass of bubbly in the reception, after the songs sung by the Military Wives Choir that triggered memories of my late husband’s Herrick 14 tour in Afghanistan, after the plentiful glasses of wine drunk during the delicious three course meal in the ballroom-style Carisbrooke Hall of the Victory Services club and after the round of shots I bought for the lucky couple who had sat next to us during the meal!
As the Chair of the event Sarah Walker (founder of the business start-up course and mentoring programme Supporting the Unsung Hero) said, all the nominees are winners. I particularly enjoyed meeting some fellow Milspos (military spouses, partners and other halves who run their own successful businesses alongside what we jokingly call “the magnolia-walled life” of their serving person - for those who don’t know this comment makes reference to the colour of paint that covers most military quarter walls!). I feel indebted to them for their virtual friendship throughout lockdown when I personally had a bit of an existential crisis! It was such a joy to meet these amazing individuals, to chat to them face to face and to boogie on the dance floor to some great tunes:
Emma and her sister enjoying a night out!
Nadine Monks set up Forces Family Finance to help military families gain access to quality financial advice;
Andrea Baker runs a print and embroidery business B’s Clothing & Gifts that made the stars and goody bags for the event;
Georgie Muir supports military spouses through her coaching business Chasing Lobsters;
Helen Massy is founder and editor-in-chief of the not-for-profit magazine Career Pursuit that provides career advice to military spouses, partners and veterans;
Helen Holt and Al Topping were photographers for the evening; and
The wonderful Jess Sands is the brains behind the Milspo Business Network of over 1,300 Milspos and who has only just had her first child yet managed to help organise the event and party with us all.
Hosts Anthony Cotton and Amy Casey
One thing I never anticipated after my husband’s death was the secondary losses that people feel when a death occurs. In 2016, I discovered that when your other half dies the shock of losing your spouse is only the beginning of grief that stays with you for the rest of your lifetime. The pain and loss has not diminished over time, and I would not want it to - because my husband will always be a huge part in the lives of so many of us. For me, a person who was in the Officer Training Corps at University and the Territorial Army during my first years in London, the loss of the military community after his death utterly floored me.
Finding Milspo, my children becoming members of Scotty’s Little Soldiers and setting up the military sub-group of the peer-to-peer support group WAY (Widowed and Young) has made a life changing difference to the depressed and lonely widow that I had become by the beginning of 2019, and who was unrecognisable to the party girl who attended this event! The Celebrating Forces Families Awards made me feel that I have once again found people who “get it”, people who have their own stories and struggles yet go that one step further to support others within what is a hugely special community. I can’t wait for next year’s Celebrating Forces Families Awards and I shall enjoy watching the event go from success to success as it celebrates inspirational individuals amongst our military families and shines a light on people who often live in the shadow of their serving person at yet manage to single-handedly keep that serving person’s life on the road.
Military Life
The worst part is waiting.
The best part is having someone worth waiting for.