Have you lived through trauma and thought that you would never be able to make your dreams come true?

When my late husband died in 2016 I was truly heartbroken – physically and mentally. As well as losing the love of my life, my soulmate and our girls devoted daddy, I worried that our family dream of a life in the country with horses and dogs had died with him. In the nearly six years since he died, I have learnt that we truly can manifest our dreams and make them a reality. One thing that helps me is this sign in our kitchen… each time I see it I smile and give myself a silent hug because I know these are philosophies that I now live for:

“RISK more than others think safe
CARE more than others think wise
DREAM more than others think practical
ACHIEVE more than others think possible”

Don’t get me wrong, in the days, months and years since I have been a widow, I have had times of deep depression and heart-wrenching loneliness. Noone tells you that there is no manual for life or that it can be difficult and dark. Many times in my widowed life I have felt exhausted and as though I was making no progress at all.

Move forwards!

Matt Haig’s “The Comfort Book” lives in our downstairs toilet. I was reading his story of getting lost in the forest with his dad when he was young. Instead of going round in circles with anxiety spiralling at a similar pace, the author’s father realised that if they went in a straight line they would get out of the trees and this strategy resonated with me:

“Walking one foot in front of the other, in the same direction, will always get you further than running round in circles”

When you are grieving life can seem to be spirally down in circles to a dark place, but as well as having the determination to keep walking forward, I have found that I needed the determination never to give up, to acknowledge the faulty direction and then to break the cycle of what was not working. Sometimes we cannot see where things are going wrong and we need others, or things that chance upon our path to nudge us into a new direction.

Find what brings you joy

Another musing in Matt Haig’s book is titled “Rock”. It explains that the best bit about rock bottom is discovering the solid part of you at the bottom. He calls that part our soul, the part cannot be broken any further, so that at our lowest point we find the foundations of what makes us who we are. When we discover who we are, we can then build ourselves anew. This is the biggest gift my late husband has given me, a new found confidence to acknowledge exactly what it is I do and don’t want to do. A discovery of the benefit of boundaries and following your own heart. It can be scary to do something different, but finding your life’s purpose makes tricky decisions so much easier to make.

I may have not magicked up a posh house in the country but I have found my own way to make my dreams for our smaller family of three a reality. We have a house within walking distance of my girls’ school. I found a fabulous horse for my elder daughter and a pony for my younger daughter. Buying big animals and a fancy lorry is expensive but I have been lucky enough to find amazing loans and a rather old little horsebox. The money I saved pays for our DIY livery and I can honestly say that I never thought I would be so happy to wake at 6am every school day to muck out!

Believe your dreams can be reality!

My message to you is to keep hope in your heart and to believe in yourself. You don’t need to make quick decisions, if you are unsure of what step to take it may be helpful to stop and reflect on what it is that truly makes your heart sing. Remember that movement isn’t necessarily progress if you are going round in circles. If you need help with moving forwards, check out my One-on-One sessions where I can be your mentor and coach to help you to find your answer to your issues inside of you.

If you have more time and you fancy reading more about my initial days as a widow please read this blog or to read why I love rainbows read this blog.

Emma’s thoughts…

Some things that I learnt that helped me:

Step out of your comfort zone and do something different: If you don’t change anything then nothing will change!

Keep chasing your dreams: We all face set backs at different times in life but with determination and hope in the face of adversity we can turn those dreams into reality.

There is no rule book: everyone’s experience is unique and therefore each person’s way of coping will be different – your way is the right way for you.

Stars can’t shine without darkness: no one tells you how hard life is, but out of the darkness joy can be found.

Humans are social beings: you are not expected to do this alone. Please reach out if you need help, either book a One-on-One session, speak to friends and family or contact one of the amazing charities that are in my Resources Directory.

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there”
- Theodore Roosevelt