Grief resources

There is a magical power in connecting with others who “get it” and sharing stories… partly because it helps us to feel less alone in our grief and partly, for those who write and speak, so that we too can put our words out into the world… in the hope that as well as helping us to process our own bereavement emotions, we will also help others.

Below I set out the resources (podcasts and books) that have helped me during my time as a widow. I hope that some might help you to better understand your own bereavement and learn how to grow life around grief. As I mentioned at the end of this blog, if there are any that I’ve missed or that particularly resonate with you… please email me and let me know: emma@rainbowhunting.co.uk.

Podcasts

In the early days of grief my attention span was short and I found it really hard to read, but I was able to listen to podcasts and I found that hearing others’ voices helped to fill the silence in my world.

In no particular order, here are some of the podcasts that helped me: 

Widowed AF podcast – by a young widow and her “alive husband”

Rosie Gill-Moss is a widow who believes that every widow has a story. Through her honest and frank conversations with guests from all over the world, she explores the often misunderstood world of widowhood. Every other episode is a “Chatty” one, sharing aspects of Rosie’s personal life with her “alive husband” and their children, as well as the grief she carries with her from the sudden death of her “dead husband”.

The Widowhood podcast – by another young widow

Rosie is another young widow challenging the expectations that society puts on those experiencing the death of a partner and through raw honesty, shared realities and candid humour they chat about all things widowhood.

The Widow Podcast – by a widow coach who is a widow herself

Karen Sutton, The Widow Coach, started this podcast for people who have experienced the death of a life partner who are looking for hope and support whilst navigating their way through this traumatic life event. Karen shares emotional and practical ways to to take steps to begin to thrive and gain a sense of hope and balance. Read about my guest appearances on this podcast here.

Real with Ric podcast – by a young widower

Ric Hart is a young widow whose wife Jade died shortly after giving birth to their son. Since then Ric has become a published author, writing childrens books inspired by his son Hugo and one adult book about living with loss. The podcast shares Ric’s story of life after loss.

The Grief Gang podcast – about the loss of a mother and others

After her mother died unexpectedly when she was a teenager, Amber Jeffrey started this podcast to find people who got it and to share the continuous whirlwind experience of grief. The show aims to show listeners that you are never alone in your grief and feelings and you should not suffer grief alone. Alongside sharing her own story, Amber has an array of guests from different walks of life and losses.

Good Mourning podcast – about the loss of parents and others

Hosts Sally Douglas and Imogen Carn are two Aussie friends who are real, truthful, a little bit sweary and on a mission to help others feel less alone after loss. No topic is off limits as they speak to inspiring guests about grief with tips and advice from around the globe.

GriefCast podcast – about the loss of a father and others

British actor and comedian Cariad Lloyd’s podcast has had a number of seasons. It has evolved from it’s early days of conversations with comedian friends after the host decided to open up about her father’s death from pancreatic cancer when she was 15 years old into inviting a broader range of guests including actors, writers and producers about various aspects of grief.

A Living Loss podcast – by an author and psychotherapist

Author and psychotherapist Julia Samuel MBE and her wonderful guests discuss the losses they have experienced throughout their lives and the fears and confusions we all experience during change. The concept of a living loss is the feeling of grief that we get when an abrupt change happens in our lives that we have little to no control over… encompassing not just grief of a person but also the loss of a job, end of a relationship or staying at home in a global pandemic.

Dying Matters podcast – from Hospice UK

A podcast produced by Hospice UK opening up the conversation of death and dying, something we all have to face one day but so often put off. The guests are people who have learnt through personal experience how important it is to talk about our wishes before it is too late. This podcast is for those who have a family member approaching end of life, want to support a friend or know how to start a conversation or are grieving themselves.

Books

Although I found reading really hard, I’ve since discovered Audible and have realised that I can listen to people’s books to help normalise the experience of grief.

Here are some of the books that have caught my attention…

A Grief Observed, by C S Lewis

This is an intimate journal chronicling the Narnia author’s experience of grief after his wife of four years died of cancer. It’s an anguished account of a dialogue of an individual grappling with the mysteries of faith and love through his crisis of religious faith and navigating emotions of hope, rage, despair and love, eventually regaining his bearings and finding his way forwards. Read my book review of A Grief Observed here.

Grief Works: Stories of life, death & surviving, by J Samuel

Psychotherapist Julia Samuel MBE divides her book into chapters relating to different deaths from parent, child, sibling to x. Within each chapter are various case studies of clients, together with Julia’s responses to each experience. The book provide support to those who are grieving themselves, as well as helping those who want to know what to do or say to someone you care about who is going through a bereavement. You can read my book review of Grief Works here.

Thinking out Loud: Love, Grief & Being Mum & Dad, by Rio Ferdinand

When footballer Rio Ferdinand’s wife died of breast cancer, leaving him alone to parent their three children alone, he retired from professional football and for the first time in his life he realised he didn’t know what he was doing. He didn’t even know how to work the washing machine, but he knew his children needed him and this is his story of how he learnt to ask for help alongside processing his grief.

Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy, by Sheryl Sandberg

Chief operating officer at Facebook, Sheryl Sandberg, wanted Option A… she wanted her husband back, but in 2015 after he died at the age of 48 years old she became solo parent of their two young children and in order to find joy and meaning in life again she decided to “kick the s*** out of Option B”. The book features stories of people who have recovered from personal and professional hardship, and describes how they did more than recover, many of them became stronger.

The Year of Magical Thinking, by Joan Didion

This book tells the story of heartache and emotion through the worries about a seriously ill daughter and the death of the author’s husband from a sudden heart attack. This heartbreakingly honest book is Joan Didion’s attempt to make sense of death, illness, marriage and children.

It’s OK that you’re not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture that Doesn’t Understand, by Megan Devine

Having experienced grief both as a therapist and as a widow of her partner who accidentally drowned, Megan Devine moves away from the culturally prescribed goal of returning to a normal, “happy” life and replaces it with the concept of building a life alongside the grief. Bereavement is not about overcoming grief but acknowledging the loss in the new world whilst showing kindness and care for ourselves.

You are not alone, by Cariad Lloyd

The creator and host of the Griefcast podcast has written this book inspired by her own grief mistakes and lessons and from the insights of her incredible guests. Cariad’s father died when she was just fifteen years old and this honest, warm and funny book is for anybody who has felt lost in grief, who wants to help someone struggling or just wants to understand this life a little better.

Good Mourning: Honest Conversations about Grief and Loss, by Sally Douglas and Imogen Carn

The authors met after the sudden deaths of their mothers and their experiences let them to launch the Good Mourning podcast. This book has been written as a compassionate survival guide for anyone dealing with grief… it’s the kind of book that Sal and Im wished they had to help them through the dark times.

Languages of Loss: A psychotherapist’s journey through grief, by Sash Bates

Having been plunged unexpectedly into widowhood at just 49 years old, psychotherapist Sasha Bates describes her journey through grief after the death of her husband and best friend, Bill. Within the book are her two stories… one is the author’s perspective of grief as a bereaved person and the other is her attempts to create a different perspective drawing on her years of psycho-analytical learnings and psychotherapeutic research. Read my book review of Languages of Loss here.

The Grief Survival Guide: How to Navigate Loss and all that comes with it, by Jeff Brazier

Written by partner of Jade Goody who died of cervical cancer in 2009, this book aims to provide support and guidance from someone who has been there. The book draws on Jeff Brazier’s lived experience as father to two bereaved sons and the stories of his clients.

Loss: Poems to Better Weather the Many Waves of Grief, by Donna Ashworth

This is a beautiful collection of poetry for anyone cast adrift in the lonely sea of grief. Donna Ashworth’s poems remind us how intertwined love and grief are and how there is magic in those we love the most. It’s a beautiful book to help you through the rough storms of grief, or to give as a gift to someone struggling with bereavement.

When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress, by Gabor Mate

Dr Gabor Mate has written many books about trauma and it’s affect on our bodies (others include: The Myth of Normal: Trauma Illness & Healing in a Toxic Culture, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction, and Scattered Minds: The origins and healing of Attention Deficit Disorder) This book When the Body Says No explains how trauma occurs in different ways and the toll it can take on our physical and mental health. The book brings together the author’s personal experience as a doctor with scientific research about the mind-body link and the role that stress and emotions play on our bodies and well being.

The Body Keeps the Score: Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma, by Bessel Van Der Kolk

This book is considered a bit of a trauma bible, written with a combination of scientific curiosity, scholarly attention to detail and mental health case studies. The result is a shift away from standard talking and drug therapies towards an alternative approach to healing the mind, brain and body. It is an academic book written by a psychiatrist noted for his research into post-traumatic stress but it is graphic and is not for those who might be triggered by reading about abuse of others.

I’d love to know if you have read any of these… or if there are any that I have missed! Please email me and let me know: emma@rainbowhunting.co.uk.