Spreading the word about Grief
“Grief is the price we pay for love”
- Queen Elizabeth II
I am passionate that we need to talk more about tricky subjects, especially death, dying, grief and trauma. After all, death is the only certainty awaiting all of us. So, I am always so delighted to be asked to speak at events to help raise awareness. January 2023 saw another invite to add to the various different groups who I’ve presented to about grief and in particular why it might make a person more vulnerable:
15 September 2022: Investec Financial Planning team
6 October 2022: Dorset & Hampshire Regional Group of Society of Later Life Advisers (SOLLA)
19 January 2023: Society of Later Life Advisers national webinar
The feedback from all of the events has been fantastic and I am excited to be speaking as part of the SFE (Solicitors for the Elderly) national webinar programme to further spread the word. I really am so thrilled because I believe that the customer experience is so much better when professionals understand the impact of grief and bereavement on their clients. The death of a loved one is the most painful thing any of us will experience, and it is perfectly normal for people to act differently as they come to terms with the life changing event that has occurred in their worlds.
Queen Elizabeth II famously said that “grief is the price we pay for love” when she sent a message of support to those who lost loved ones in the aftermath of the United States September 11th attacks. However, it was the English psychiatrist Colin Murray-Parkes who said:
“The pain of grief is just as much a part of life as the joy of love; it is, perhaps the price we pay for love, the cost of commitment”
Hanging out in the widowed community (honestly, it’s a lot more fun than it sounds!), has taught me that despite the raw heartbreak of loss that has been experienced, beautiful healing can come through connection with others. Knowing that the person you are speaking to instinctively understands what a bereavement is like and how unique our grief is, can help with the healing over time. The two key lessons I have learnt are that:
The greater you love, the deeper your grief; and
It is possible for pain and joy to co-exist.
In my presentations, I explain how over the years various experts and psychologists have tried to help us understand the many emotions of grief but I emphasise that we are all different, our relationships are unique and therefore our grieving process will be whatever is right for us. I also cover why bereaved clients may be adults at risk of abuse from others, why people who are grieving may act out of character or have mental blocks when faced with certain matters, analogies that are sometimes used to explain grief, and things that may or may not help practitioners assist their grieving clients. The aim is that at the end of the talk the professional has a better understanding of what their bereaved clients may be going through and how it might impact their instructions, communications and behaviour.
Some feedback from the talks:
“I was really moved by your talk… I found that the information you gave earlier is so helpful in life generally… I really appreciated you sharing your heart-breaking yet inspirational story… thank you again for taking the time to give such a brilliant talk.”
“It’s refreshing to have a speaker who is so passionate”
“I would like to thank you for your valuable contribution to the SOLLA meeting on Thursday. I thought the way you are able to talk about Simon in the way you do, is a huge lesson for us all. It takes courage to do that, you clearly have it in spades.”