“Deborah shared her experience with the world to raise awareness, break down barriers, challenge taboos and change the conversation around cancer”
- James family 28 June 2022

It has taken me a while to put pen to paper and think about what to say about the inspirational Dame Deborah James who sadly died on 28 June 2022.

The former headteacher turned podcaster, who is known to many as BowelBabe, became a national hero as a result of sharing her story and raising awareness of bowel cancer. As a widow of someone who died from cancer, I found myself morbidly addicted to the intimate, frank and lively podcast You Me & The Big C, which Deborah co-hosted with Lauren Mahon and Steve Bland (whose Radio 5 live newsreader wife, Rachel Bland, started the podcast but sadly died of breast cancer six months after the show’s launch).

Determined that cancer would not stop her from having fun, Deborah blogged about her diagnosis under the name Bowelbabe from 2017. She documented the good, the bad and the ugly, describing her illness as “the poo cancer”! Deborah shared with the nation things about cancer that usually go unsaid hand in hand with sparkles and smiles. Her words were documented in her Sun column and her two books: ‘F*** You Cancer: How to Face the Big C, Live Your Life and Still Be Yourself’ and ‘How to Live When You Could Be Dead’.

*Instagram post before one of Deborah’s operations*

As I listened to Deborah and read her words, I found that I could relate to so much of the cancer journey that she described, although mine had been the view of a spouse and not the patient’s perspective. As a consequence of how much she touched my heart, the death of this amazing woman hit me hard because, selfishly, it has been a trigger for my own experiences. Like others, I witnessed the slow decline of my soulmate, the parent of my children and the one person who I felt truly “got me”.

So it surprised me that I did not find it easy to write about the death and legacy of this amazing woman. I realised that what stopped me writing about this was the fact that I couldn’t work out why this particular death hit me so hard… until I realised something that now seems so blindingly obvious to me… the one characteristic I admired in Dame Deborah James is exactly the characteristic that we all loved about my late husband: overt optimism. Even when the statistics were stacked against them, these awe-inspiring individuals managed to find joy in the mundane and fun in the everyday.

For my late husband the phrase that I always have in mind is the Royal Marine philosophy of “cheerfulness in the face of adversity”, for Dame Deborah James it has been “rebellious hope”. Deborah spoke about the fact that none of us have a crystal ball, yet when questioned about her positivity she said that the answer could be found in “hope and options”. The reason I have called this blog a thank you is because it is sometimes easy to say these phrases but so much harder to put them into practice, yet the messages I take from Dame Deborah are a reminder to enjoy every moment we have and to tell those we love how much they mean to us.

*The BBC iPlayer 30 minute programme in memory of Deborah*

One of the things that this tragic death has brought home to me is the power of connection. Deborah oozed kindness and genuine interest in others and through her friendships with people such as the motivational speaker Emma Campbell (@limitlessem on Instagram) she kept vlogging and dancing from the hospital corridors, sweeping up others in her love for life.

Similar to when my own husband died, I could see the end approaching as Deborah got thinner and slept more and the end, although not a surprise, was a huge shock. Nevertheless, even in her most challenging last few days, when she was doing some bucket list things with her family, she launched a fundraiser for cancer research called the Bowelbabe Fund which at the time of writing has raised over £7m on her JustGiving page. A few days after the launch she was made a Dame by Prince William who visited her at her parents’ home to give her the award for her awareness-raising campaigns.

What a huge legacy Deborah is leaving behind. Her final message said: “Find a life worth enjoying; take risks; love deeply; have no regrets; and always, always have rebellious hope. And finally, check your poo — it could just save your life.”

My thoughts in her last weeks and since her death have been with her family and loved ones. But it seems wrong to leave this on a maudlin note, although Deborah’s herself said that cancer is “the club that you never wanted to be part of”, the two things I take away from her are equally important to me:

As much as you can, dance your way through life, preferably in a sparkly outfit,
Love life, embrace life, hold close the ones you love, take risks, never give up, and…
“Check your poo”!

“Every now and then, someone captures the heart of the nation with their zest for life and tenacious desire to give back to society. @bowelbabe is one of those special people”
- the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s Twitter account