Those who have followed me for a while on social media, who listen to my talks, or who have taken part in my courses will know that one of the lessons I have learnt on my widow’s journey is that pain and joy can co-exist... and I certainly felt that last Saturday night!

I'll set the scene first...

I was all dressed up in shiny high heels, a little black dress and with a sparkle in my eyes (it’s a fun novelty in my solo parenting world to get out and about in The Big Smoke!). The event I was attending was the annual Royal Marines Mountbatten Festival of Music in the Royal Albert Hall in London. It's a huge event for The Massed Bands of His Majesty’s Royal Marines, and the totally packed out Albert Hall audience illustrated how popular the Festival is to so many people!

The Festival is the kind of event where there are many personal reasons that make it such a treat to actually be there in person.

I was first introduced to the event in about 2001 when my late husband was a boyfriend trying to impress the girlfriend he had found who lived and worked in London… He took me as a surprise belated Valentine’s present and I didn’t know where I was going until we rocked up at the entrance! We sat in the cheap seats behind the orchestra, but even at that funny angle it was the most magical evening.

Roll forwards a number of years to just before the time that changed our lives forever… and, after six houses in six years, two children, two dogs and a terminal cancer diagnosis... the two of us were given the most amazing complimentary tickets to a box at the very same event that he first tried to impress me at! This time, despite Simon being seriously unwell, we dressed up in black tie to fit in amongst the the luxury prime seats... for another very special evening of fantastic music amongst inspirational people.

Back in the present world of widowhood... last Saturday I found myself sitting on a remarkably comfortable swivelling padded seat in the historic concert hall. I felt incredibly lucky and very happy that we were there... but, at the same time, I felt incredibly sad...

During the Stevie Wonder medley, I was hit with an overwhelmingly heartbreaking reminder that my husband was no longer alive. He had died at only 38 years old and there was so much life he never got to live. At yet I was the one sat within the heart of his contemporaries, enjoying an evening that encapsulated so much of the career that he was so proud of.

It was a poignant reminder that even six and half years later, grief can feel so incredibly raw.

The emotions bubbled away within me over the next few tunes and in the interval. Then, in the second half, there were two special moments that really choked me up:

The RM Band performed a joint piece with The Music Man Project - an international music education and performance service for people with learning disabilities. Their song "Music is Magic" encapsulated the spirit of what music is about... it was a perfect display of pure enjoyment, happiness and how music has the ability to connect people, whatever the differences. I am so passionate that it is the things that mark us out as different that actually make each of us beautifully unique... As I watched the young adults with learning disabilities blending in with the Royal Marine musicians, joyfully dancing and singing on stage and even taking over the conducting… silent tears started streaming down my face.
After a tribute to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, a boy called Jacob Mason, who I would guess is younger than my teenage elder daughter, recited a poem he had written called "This Is Normal for Me". It is about his life as a child of a Royal Naval Submariner... it was included in the programme as a poignant reminder that family life continues when serving personnel are away from home... but for me, listening to it read out against the backdrop of Eternal Father (the Royal Marine hymn that was played both at our wedding and at Simon’s funeral), was a heartbreaking reminder that family life for the bereaved continues when a parent dies. At this point I struggled to keep it together as my tears turned to sobs of sadness and grief for all that my children miss out on without their devoted daddy.

At yet, it was a very happy and another very special evening…

Grief is a complicated journey, but it has lessons within it's process that are helpful to us all.

The night away reminded me that all emotions are welcome… it's okay to be both happy and sad at the same time… and it’s reminded me of this quote that’s on a board in our kitchen:

"Enjoy the little things in life, for someday you will realise that they were the big things"

So folks, my message today is to keep hold of all those happy memories… for no-one can take those away from you. Here are some of the things from the past weekend that make my heart sing…

The pure joy in the children’s eyes when they discover something magical
The supportive hand holding that says so much about the relationship and love you give to each other
The hug that says that you instinctively "get" each other
The music that touches your heart
The smells and sounds that take you back in time and wrap you in fond feelings
The meals that have been lovingly prepared
The shared smiles, the laughter, the tears and the pain... all those emotions that connect us and warm our hearts.

Take care of your wonderful souls and if you’d like to share with me the little things that bring joy in your world you can find me at: emma@rainbowhunting.co.uk.

You can read more about the three charities supported by the event here: RMA - The Royal Marines Charity, Royal Navy Royal Marines Charity & Young Lives vs Cancer.