Why you need a cheerleader…

Do you have days when you feel out of your depth and overwhelmed?

The reality is that we all do! 

No one tells you how perfectly imperfect this crazy world is and, at some stage, we all find bumps in the road of this journey of life. We all have our worries. And, each of us has our own unique rollercoaster of ups and downs… Some of the undulations we can influence, others are totally out of our control.

I believe we each have a metaphorical magnifying glass… and we can choose what we use it to focus on…

Surviving alone can be a lonely place to exist

Some people appear to have been born with a natural ability to use that glass to magnify the positives in their lives. This rose-tinted perspective can lead to a cheerful and joy-filled environment with smiles and laughs a-plenty. My late husband was this kind of happy guy – eternally glass-half-full & optimistic!

Other folk are glass-half-empty and they often feel that they struggle more than they don’t. As a widow I was one of these people. My most pessimistic and dark days hit me in the first two to three years after my husband died. I had weeks when I felt that I was wading through treacle and it was only putting a brave face on for my children that got me through each day. Widow’s grief fogged up my brain and denial numbed my senses… Somehow, I could see nice things around me… But they did not register and they didn’t spark any joy in my heart, which felt as though it had been turned to stone.

Instead of feeling a spark of excitement or a warm glow of gratitude for what I did have, I could only see the vast hole that my soulmate’s death had left in our lives. My attention was focued on the piles of admin that needed my attention, the children who needed me, the work I had to get on with, and the endless laundry, cooking and cleaning … As a consequence, for a few years, nothing lit me up.

So what changed? What brought the beginnings of a warmth in my heart?

The turning point in my bereavement journey was my life-changing career move away from law. I have to be honest and admit that I really didn’t know what I was doing… I created my Rainbow Hunting website and blindly followed my gut.

Although it wasn’t a great financial decision… Finally, I could see some meaning coming out of the tragedy of the terminal illness that had descended on our family and the subsequent death of my husband and the loss of the girls’ devoted Daddy. Translating tricky legal end of life topics into articles that everyone could understand felt useful, and it was exciting to think that by sharing my story I could help others come to terms with their own trauma.

We can all benefit from having our cheerleaders!

It's only recently, when I finally embraced the widow label, re-connected with the charity WAY (Widowed and Young) and discovered the Milspo community of fellow entrepreneurs, that I started to think properly about moving forwards into my new life. Talking to widows, widowers and other people who had lost their partners, I started to think about what it is I miss the most, and it mainly comes down to two things… with one common factor:

1.     I missed having a cheerleader – I realised that we all need that person who likes you for all your faults, the friend who sees the good and the bad but who still champions all your ideas – both the marvellous and the crazy! My magnifying glass had got so heavy that I didn’t even pick it up to expand anything anymore. When I rediscovered it again, I woke up to the fact that our cheerleaders can shift our perspective and focus towards the positives… with their help we can acknowledge the brilliant things we have done (sometimes that is just surviving!) and what we do have, instead of being sad about what we no longer have.

2.     I missed the hugs – I am not going to start telling you about the online dating scene… That unfamiliar world was interesting for a while but for now is set to one-side for (perhaps) another blog… Nonetheless, I thought about what the hugs had brought me…. Both the huge comforting bear hugs and the more intimate embraces that speak to the core of what makes us human… I realised that a hug triggers feelings of safety, support and adoration – and who doesn’t like that?!

What ties these two things together is human connection. Us human beings are social beings… and we need positive relationships with others to thrive. People need company, we need friends who listen, we need people with whom we can celebrate our wins and we need unconditional and non-judgmental support when we don’t succeed as planned. And this brings me back to my current passion… my Rainbow Hunting business.

We all have tricky issues that give us “mind monkeys” and which prevent us from making progress, especially when it comes to home admin and legal paperwork. And, it’s a fundamental human need to have others to lean on… to encourage us and hold our hands through the tricky times… and, to party with us when it’s time to celebrate!

The virtual world might not give physical hugs… but, through my challenges, talks and courses, it is my dream to fill the cheerleading gap when you hit a rocky patch in the road of life.

If you feel that you are lacking in a cheerleader and you would like my support on a 121 basis, check out my one-to-one sessions.

In the meantime, if you find someone who calls you fabulous and gives great hugs – be kind and keep hold of them, for they are precious souls! x

“The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer somebody else up.”
  - Mark Twain